


Why Pick Up Lines Do Not Work on Enjolras

by thepeopletoomustrise



Category: Les Misérables (2012), Les Misérables - All Media Types, Les Misérables - Victor Hugo
Genre: F/M, Gen, Kink Meme, M/M, Pick Up Lines, Sexual innuendos, i am shrieking it's ok, les mis kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-03-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 22:24:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/715761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thepeopletoomustrise/pseuds/thepeopletoomustrise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A blend of the prompts in which Eponine shouts out obscene pickup lines during a meeting of the Amis (and Grantaire joins in), and the Amis decide to speak to Enjolras in innuendos. </p><p>What am I doing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why Pick Up Lines Do Not Work on Enjolras

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the prompts:  
> "Musichetta, Cosette, and any other mistresses (+Eponine if you so choose), shout bad pick up lines at Les Amis."  
> and somewhat  
> "Grantaire spends an entire day talking in innuendo to Enjolras. Eventually all of Les Amis start doing it."  
> (LM Kink Meme 3)

Eponine was bored. 

Bored, along with bitter, given that she was sick of hearing Marius’ love struck banter with the Amis. When Grantaire had offered her a drink, she had taken it with little hesitation; and that was all it had taken to get her rather drunk. 

And Eponine was certainly not a very cute drunk. 

She sat in the corner of the Musain, watching with drooping eyelids as the boys chatted sternly about the ideals of a true Republic, her small fingers wrapped around the neck of a nearly empty bottle. 

Enjolras was in the center of the room, talking loudly to the rest of the people, “…We strive towards a larger goal…”

With a slurred tone, she called out, “I’ll strive towards your larger goal!” She giggled, hiccupping, and the group of men turned to the girl in the corner. 

“’Ponine?” Marius said curiously, watching her giggle. “Grantaire, did you give her a drink?” 

“Maybe,” Grantaire snorted, watching Eponine in amusement. 

Enjolras was not finding said antics entertaining. “We were in the middle of something!” and he went back into hurried details of an ideal republic. 

But Eponine was not by any means done. “Is that a mirror in your pocket?” she sneered at the head revolutionary, catching his attention once more. “Because I can see myself in your pants.”

Enjolras’ face turned a bright shade of red, and he shook his head, flustered. “Do you need to excuse yourself?” The Amis chuckled at his evident awkwardness and uncomfortable tone. 

“Nah... my eyes are just tired from chasing you around,” she retorted. Grantaire, who had now seated himself next to her, gave her a pat on the shoulder. 

“Atta girl!” 

“Shut up, Grantaire!” Enjolras snapped at the man who was surely going to be equally drunk soon. 

“Enjolras?” Eponine let out a hiccupping giggle. 

“What!” 

“Which is easier? Getting you in to those tight pants, or out of them?” 

The room erupted into a ripple of laughter; the only ones not laughing being Enjolras and Marius -- Enjolras out of embarrassment, and Marius because, frankly, he had no idea what was going on. 

“Enough!” He stuttered. “We don’t have time for this nonsense!” 

“Oh, don’t stop!” Eponine cried, cackling. “I rarely ever get to see such beauty in motion!” She took another drunken swig of her bottle, still laughing. 

Grantaire seemed to be equally entertained, so he piped in, grinning. “If you’re going to regret this in the morning, why don’t we just sleep until the afternoon?” 

Enjolras’ jaw dropped. “Granta-"

“Your lips look lonely; would they like to meet mine?” Eponine cut him off, smacking her lips around her bottle. 

Combeferre, who had been trying to ignore the immature antics that had started in the room at the Musain, couldn’t help himself anymore. His friend’s innocence and clear embarrassment was too entertaining to hold back. 

“Enjolras? Could you empty your pockets?”

His friend turned to him, fuming in confusion, “Why?”

 _“It seems you have stolen my heart.”_

The room erupted into a roar of laughter, leaving Enjolras standing there with angry hands balled up into fists. 

_“Enough!”_ He said, his tone low and angry. His cheeks had bloomed even darker red than before. 

But the group of revolutionaries just couldn’t contain themselves. 

“Enjolras, if you’re feeling down, just say so- I can feel you up,” Grantaire called out, grinning mischievously, and the leader sent him a glare that could have started the entire revolution itself. 

“Imbecile!” Enjolras spat at him, but it was an insult really directed at every person in the Musain. “There is a revolution among of us, and all of you have turned into a guffawing group of children! Do you not understand that have no time for this?” He was yelling, now, and the room was quieting down, but smiling in unison. “You’re all _impossible!”_

“Wrong, Enjolras. Anything more than perfect is impossible; therefore, you are the impossible one.” Grantaire snorted, laughing loudly at himself. 

“Stop!” Enjolras shouted, which was enough for the room to settle down a bit.

It was quiet for a few painful seconds before Grantaire tentatively raised a hand. Enjolras stared at him in disbelief and clear annoyance, spitting out, “What do you want now?” 

“I have a legitimate question.”

“Then ask it.”

“How does one... _raise his flag?_ ” Grantaire said slowly, a grin creeping onto his face slowly. (Because hint, hint- he wasn’t talking about a flag.)

Eponine noticed and snorted, but Grantaire nudged her. 

“What?” 

“I mean, if I’m trying to raise my flag, would you help me with it?” The room snickered quietly. “I’m not sure I could raise my flag by myself.” 

“Well…” Enjolras sighed, shaking his head. “Grantaire, that is a very unintelligent question. You must raise your flag with pride and dedication. It is the symbol of revolution! One must wave their flag with enthusiasm!” 

More snickers. 

“What if my flag is… _too big?_ ” Grantaire was struggling to keep the conversation without laughing, as were many other Amis. 

“No flag can ever be too big, Grantaire,” he spoke so simply that it was almost impossible for the room to erupt into a sea of laughter as a whole. “That’s common knowledge.”

“Right. My bad,” he mumbled, waving his hand as a sign of dismissal and then grinning over to Joly, who was also stifling laughs. 

“Now that you have all gotten over the fit of giggles, we can go back to-"

“Enjolras?”

“What now, Grantaire?!” he demanded, staring at the man in exasperation. 

“Is that a flag in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?” 

Enjolras stared at him, obviously quite confused. “How the hell would I carry a flag in my pants, Grantaire? Are you an idiot? Oh, wait- Yes, you are!” 

But Grantaire was too busy laughing along with the drunk Eponine to hear him. 

“Why, you’re entirely drunk, aren’t you?” he looked at them in disgust. 

“Not drunk; simply intoxicated by you!” Grantaire managed through laughs, and Combeferre was almost slapping his knee from across the room. “Enjolras, that’s a fantastic jacket, but it would look so much better on the floor.”

He was still thoroughly confused. “ _Floors do not wear clothing,_ dimwit.” The room was howling in laughter. “What is going on?!” He demanded at all of them, throwing his arms up in exasperation. 

“We just all want to climb you like a barricade,” Courfeyrac cried out from the other side of the room, and Enjolras was turning red once again, clenching his jaw furiously. 

“Oh, screw you all!” He yelled, turning around in anger, ready to leave the room completely. 

Grantaire’s voice was the last thing he heard as he was leaving:

“Please do!”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really sure what just happened but I still appreciate feedback ok


End file.
